I’M FALLING APART TODAY; I feel out of control. My mind jumps from one thought to another like a bed full of monkeys, and I’m the one who fell off and bumped my head. I want to scream, “Mama, call the doctor,” while seriously doubting anyone can help me. A hurting soul cannot be satisfied with quick fixes. …
It is an inelegant, confusing process, this process called grief. Today I don’t feel useful anymore. I have relinquished my need to do anything purposeful, to succeed at anything, to impress anyone — including God. I must have packed my courage ad work ethic in a suitcase that got lost in the airport baggage claim.
I live with so many questions and no answers. I suppose I simply need to quit mewling, be patient with the bereavement process, and let God work out my future. But right now I just want two aspirin for my bumped head.
When feeling confused, stressed, or out of control, I go to my bedroom and sit in my overstuffed armchair. This morning I wasn’t even conscious I was doing that, and I’m not sure how long I had been sitting there. Out of habit, I reached for my Bible and my Disciple study manual and started to read. The brain fog began to lift as I read and re-read Jeremiah’s letter to the exiles in Babylon. …
That letter was for me. My future is in God’s hands; God has not forgotten me. I need to go to God in prayer again and again until my scary, out-of-control spells pass. In prayer time, something mysterious happens. God wipes away fear and brings peace to my troubled spirit.
– Nell E. Noonan
A Widow’s Prayer
From pages 41-42 of A Widow’s Prayer: Finding God’s Grace in the Days Ahead by Nell E. Noonan. Copyright © 2015 by Nell E. Noonan. All rights reserved. Used by permission of Upper Room Books. http://bookstore.upperroom.org/ Learn more about or purchase this book.
What helps you when life seems out of control. Share your thoughts.
Then he called his disciples and said to them, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury.
Mark 12:43, NRSV
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This week we remember: Antoinette Brown Blackwell (November 5).
(Courtesy of Vanderbilt Divinity Library)
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