Out of Control
I’M FALLING APART TODAY; I feel out of control. My mind jumps from one thought to another like a bed full of monkeys, and I’m the one who fell off and bumped my head. I want to scream, “Mama, call the doctor,” while seriously doubting anyone can help me. A hurting soul cannot be satisfied with quick fixes. …
It is an inelegant, confusing process, this process called grief. Today I don’t feel useful anymore. I have relinquished my need to do anything purposeful, to succeed at anything, to impress anyone — including God. I must have packed my courage ad work ethic in a suitcase that got lost in the airport baggage claim.
I live with so many questions and no answers. I suppose I simply need to quit mewling, be patient with the bereavement process, and let God work out my future. But right now I just want two aspirin for my bumped head.
When feeling confused, stressed, or out of control, I go to my bedroom and sit in my overstuffed armchair. This morning I wasn’t even conscious I was doing that, and I’m not sure how long I had been sitting there. Out of habit, I reached for my Bible and my Disciple study manual and started to read. The brain fog began to lift as I read and re-read Jeremiah’s letter to the exiles in Babylon. …
That letter was for me. My future is in God’s hands; God has not forgotten me. I need to go to God in prayer again and again until my scary, out-of-control spells pass. In prayer time, something mysterious happens. God wipes away fear and brings peace to my troubled spirit.
– Nell E. Noonan
A Widow’s Prayer
From pages 41-42 of A Widow’s Prayer: Finding God’s Grace in the Days Ahead by Nell E. Noonan. Copyright © 2015 by Nell E. Noonan. All rights reserved. Used by permission of Upper Room Books. http://bookstore.upperroom.org/ Learn more about or purchase this book.
What helps you when you experience difficulty? Share your thoughts.
Hannah made this vow: “O LORD of hosts, if only you will look on the misery of your servant, and remember me, and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a male child, then I will set him before you as a nazirite until the day of his death. He shall drink neither wine nor intoxicants, and no razor shall touch his head.”
1 Samuel 1:11 , NRSV
This Week: pray for estrange family members. Submit your prayer to The Upper Room Living Prayer Center or share it in the comment section.
Did You Know?
In need of prayer? The Upper Room Living Prayer Center is a 7-day-a-week intercessory prayer ministry staffed by trained volunteers. Call 1-800-251-2468 or visit The Living Prayer Center website.
This week we remember: Gertrude the Great of Helfta (November 16).
(Courtesy of Vanderbilt Divinity Library)
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